What's going through my head right now #19

The relativity of happiness

You probably know the feeling: you don't feel well, you feel overlooked or even run over. Misunderstood, ignored, or perhaps you were simply too weak at that moment to stand up for yourself and, if necessary, fight for your cause. You quickly conclude: I am unhappy.

Something hurts somewhere in your body, but you can't quite pinpoint it. Physically, mentally, emotionally. In any case, you want to get out of this situation, escape it and, ideally, slip into a vacuum where you are not bothered, nobody wants anything from you, you don't have to answer to anyone. In other words, cultivate a hermit-like existence, knowing that you are not lonely, but have consciously isolated yourself in order to gain some distance. And then, perhaps, face the situation with renewed strength or start something completely different, something new.

And when you take a closer look at this scene, you realize that, in relation to many things happening around the world at the same moment, it seems so insignificant, almost pitifully tiny, that you really have to ask yourself:

Was all this emotional turmoil, all this getting worked up only to have to calm down again, this rollercoaster ride of mental chaos, this feeling small and insignificant, really worth it? Because of a seemingly serious “luxury problem” — because of the agonizing decision between cream-colored or light gray wallpaper for the living room, which has been bothering you for weeks, or because of the half-hour discussion about whether to go to the Italian restaurant or the Thai restaurant tonight — which really has no existential justification whatsoever — because it is aloof, trivial, choleric, stupid, self-serving, flawed, insignificant, hypocritical, idiotic, jovial, petty bourgeois, succinct, cowardly, whiny, obscure, periodic, fussy, sentimental, hypocritical, immoral, insolent, loss-making, tearful, xenophobic, yuppie-esque, squeamish.

I know that everything is related to cause, course, and possible outcomes. In particular, it's about perspective. AND expectations. Of oneself, of others, or of the big picture.

At this very moment, you are closest to yourself. You feel the disappointment or emptiness most strongly. It doesn't help to think about starving children in Africa or, currently, in the Gaza Strip.

When you follow war news and images from Ukraine in the media or hear about cancer diagnoses or other serious illnesses among your closest friends, it makes you think about your own health, well-being, and drama-free everyday life, and it should really make all your problems seem like a tiny speck that could be swept off the table with a wave of your hand.

No, you stay in your bubble and give in to this feeling of helplessness, negativity, and sadness about the overwhelming powerlessness that you can't shake off.

Because one thing is certain: life remains wave-like, because after the game is before the game, because after the rain comes the sun, because after falling down comes getting up... and everything we experience and go through makes sense, because that's the only way we learn something and develop further. At least we should. And if not, then maybe next time. Or the time after that. Or...

Because without feelings, anger, sadness, powerlessness, and loss, we would not appreciate all the positive things, the successes, the moments of pause and enjoyment, the love and the comfort. Everything has its counterpart. Yin and yang. Sun and moon. Light and shadow.

Yes, yes, I'll stop now, I'm being a bit melodramatic today. It makes you sentimental, almost kitschy, and you end up reaching for the wrong words. At least here and there.

But I'm sure you know what I mean...

Jochen, cordially