What's going through my head right now #17

UNDERGROUND

You probably know that feeling when you just want to disappear, be unreachable by anyone and anything, and say, “I'm off then!” Just go underground. Without knowing when you want to resurface or when you might have to resurface.

At the moment, I find myself in an almost “homeless” situation. Nothing dramatic, and certainly not when you consider that it's a simple move from A to B (not even 8 km as the crow flies), which has taken a little longer than expected and is a major change in life for both me and my partner (and especially my dog). The change is not work-related, nor is it for any financial or housing reasons. It's age, the effort involved in maintaining an entire house and garden, and the knowledge that it's not going to get any easier. So we're taking precautions. And after a stress-free search, we found exactly the right property for us.

What for many people in big cities is usually an endless search and then suddenly a precarious and time-pressured situation that rarely leads to really good or even convincing actions or decisions, we were able to solve differently. We voluntarily decided to move out of our house in the country and into an apartment in the city. We found what we believe will make us feel comfortable and where we can enjoy all the ambiance, style, and interior design skills (as in the house) we have acquired over the years. With less effort, less responsibility, and yet with the option of quickly getting to the city center, having nature around the corner, and being able to enjoy the sun on the terrace until late in the evening.

Dissolving the “old” and welcoming the “new” sounds like New Year's Eve and waking up the next morning knowing that everything starts on January 1. The very first version of the new year. And every year it takes time to get used to the new numbers, to find your way in this new era. And at some point, everything is normal, the past year is consigned to history, and you can no longer say for sure whether the past year was worse, better, or somehow like all the years before.

Well, right now I find myself in a transitional space. Like at an airport, where you hang around in a strange living space behind passport control, with no rhythm, waiting for your flight to be called, no real meal times, and restlessly shifting around on waiting benches. Even the flight is robbed of its time. You float above the clouds in anticipation, either heading toward the sun or rushing ahead of it. Everything shifts, and after landing, you need a few days to sort yourself out, arrive, and find yourself again.There are still a few items left in the house, furniture, small things, and although so much is no longer there, a familiar melody still echoes through the empty rooms, bringing tears to your eyes. It makes you pause and realize that this house also cost a lot of energy and time. Time and energy that I (and my partner) would like to spend differently in this current phase of my life. And it won't change dramatically, but rather become more intense. The need to downsize and live in a more manageable way. Soon, the house will be enlivened and experienced by new souls.

It is clear to me that after 15 years, a new chapter is beginning. And I am glad that my work situation will also be writing a new chapter. And perhaps it is precisely this period from spring to the end of August, this detachment and the opportunity to fully embrace this transition – or rather, this turning point. Even though it has been somewhat painful and has required a lot of coordination, patience, and willingness to compromise, I still don't feel like I am sacrificing anything. On the contrary, I am gaining something:

a refreshing attitude towards life, the excitement of the new, a focus on the essentials, and more time for myself, for us.

I can't say whether I've really disappeared, but it certainly felt that way at times, as I've greatly reduced my “obligations” and routines in terms of my newsletter, social media presence, and keeping in touch with friends and colleagues over the past few months.

But times will change, and by September at the latest, when rhythm and routine take shape again, I will be able to redefine my goals and priorities.

Currently, I am living day by day, because each day is completely different. Mostly unpredictable: unpacking, putting things away, rearranging, clearing away, throwing things away, leaving things lying around, throwing them away after all, keeping things, sorting, packing, giving things away, hopefully not getting too many new things in return, resting, being left in peace, clearing out, putting things away, rearranging, putting things in different places, staying calm...

Jochen, cordially