What's going through my head right now #14

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

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or am I already in the eye of the storm?

The time has come. The first boxes are packed and carted off to the new apartment. A lot has been cleared out, sorted, disposed of, or set aside. The final decision on whether to give it the thumbs up or thumbs down may take a little more time. In general, a lot has been organized and it seems as if everything will go smoothly without too much headache. It almost feels like a stage play.

First the idea, then the brainstorming, followed by the concept, the first actors are cast and hired, instructed and provided with material. Many a rehearsal is rearranged, from back to front, from front to back, canceled or supplemented with new material. The initial idea is discarded, then at some point there is a 180° turn and it's back to square one. The final rehearsals approach and the premiere is a fixed date, booked for thousands of reasons, that cannot be changed.

I have gone through this countless times in the theater. In my entire career, there has only been one instance where the premiere was postponed by 14 days. However, neither I nor my dancers were to blame for this disaster. It was a failed production of My Fair Lady, in which I had to step in at short notice as choreographer and, in part, as director, and thus did not have enough time to complete my own dance evening on schedule.

But what is special, or sometimes tragic, about the immutability of theater schedules is that people often start making compromises. Here, they rush things; there, they lack perseverance; elsewhere, they don't know what might have been a better solution. And so, one work or another comes to the stage before it is actually finished, lacking details or simply needing fine-tuning. What's more, the compromises detract from the originally conceived scenario. On the other hand, some substitute solutions have suddenly proved to be brilliant ideas – and often sooner than expected. Light and shadow. Hope, wishful thinking, reality, and the harsh facts.

It's different in construction. In private life. Despite detailed specifications and communication with the tradespeople who carried out the renovations, built and installed the furniture, painted the walls, installed the lighting, etc. All without time specifications or clearly communicated deadlines, as this doesn't really work reliably in the trades. Rather, it was on demand, with unpredictable waiting times for components or for the craftsman to actually show up on the planned day, as intended. Compared to the theater: a completely different situation. But: things are checked and solutions sought for so long that in the end you get very close to what you had in mind. Compromises? Minimal, or at least with a substitute solution that is truly suitable and harmonious.

And now: We are entering a new realm, moving into a home that will feel very unfamiliar at first. It's like moving into a beautiful suite in a great hotel. You enjoy individual objects, colors, or materials because you are familiar with similar things, or even have them in your own home. Reminiscent of your own taste, your irrepressible zest for life, and your personal aesthetic. But it's not your own. Borrowed and temporary. But this, this living space that is currently being created, will probably be our new home for many years to come. Our new home. The place where we should feel comfortable, where our hearts draw us at any time, and where our souls want to linger.

At the moment, I feel like I'm in an airplane, in the middle of the clouds. Miles away from the ground, somewhere high up. In this corridor of timelessness. Or almost cluelessness. You're no longer really here and not quite there yet. You're floating between worlds.

And what feels calm right now can change in the next moment and turn into a violent thunderstorm, storm, or even hurricane. It can rush over you, ruffle everything, and leave a trail of chaos behind. Temporally, emotionally, and spatially.

Well, I'm prepared, at least I think so, and I'm waiting for whatever may come in the next few weeks.

Maybe I'll just stay in the eye of the storm, do my thing, and hope that someone comes along, lifts the storm lid, and everything around me is fine.

That's what I always say in situations like this, and even though I don't necessarily believe in a particular god, I definitely believe that it will be okay.

Jochen, cordially