What's going through my head right now #3

INSPIRATION and a NEW START

Decades ago, I was a huge fan of the writer Hermann Hesse. How I devoured his books: Narcissus and Goldmund, The Steppenwolf, Under the Wheel and Siddharta. This eternal and essential search for the self, for the possible beginning and possible end of a period of time, be it the whole of life or individual segments of earthly existence. Like so many other people, his way of reflecting and facing things (or not, of refusing to do so) influenced and inspired me in my coming-of-age years and led me down paths of thought that I can no longer fully comprehend today (as they are too far removed in time), but which I continue to feel and recognise as soon as I come across his texts again.

This morning, a sentence from his poem ‘Stufen’ came to mind:

‘... And there is a magic in every beginning ...’

How true. It is the innocence, this incredulous feeling of beginning something that cannot be determined in advance and can only be planned to a limited extent. There are too many crossroads, turn-offs, winding paths or seemingly fast lanes that you will encounter on such a journey. Because every step in a new direction, into a new chapter, into a new phase of life is a step into the unknown. Only partially predictable and guaranteed.

I have started with a new novel idea. The synopsis is ready (for now). A lot of preliminary work and research has already taken place. The structure is rather vague. In any case, it's completely different from the current novel ‘tanzen fallen fliegen’ or my children's book ‘Die Traumschläfer’ (which is still languishing in my drawer as an almost finished manuscript, waiting for the long-overdue revision and knocking from time to time ...).

A short story serves as a starting point and it took me a long time to dare to write something new. To add poetry.

I try things out. They are fragments. Raw. Some things are already so to the point that I'm almost a little afraid of not doing justice to this writing style and the condensate. To be able to hold out in this brevity.

And what does that do to me?

This ‘fear’ of not getting to the point, of not being able to formulate and convey something in such a way that it has the effect I want, is spreading. This fear does not allow you the space to make ‘mistakes’. One reason (of several) why I stopped artistic gymnastics and started dancing; there are the judges who judge according to rules, guidelines and standards and there is dance, which has given me the freedom to express myself, to find my way. Of course, there are numerous technical principles and in some cases even laws when it comes to the noble art of the stage. Nevertheless, I have always felt very free when dancing and have usually been able to shake off the burden of perfection and expectations.

And I have to remember that when writing.

Do it. Sit down. Write.

Like now, here with this newsletter. A morning thought that moves me, that stirs something up inside me. A quote from Hermann Hesse and it starts to bubble up. The creativity, the inspiration, the feeling of simply being and following my thoughts, even formulating them and communicating them to other people. Perhaps to bring a smile to someone's face and to stimulate something in them, to trigger something.

To be able to touch and let go at the same time. Without expectations. Enjoying the moment of creating. Unfolding and letting your thoughts run free.

The sorting, the craftsmanship can come later.

With this in mind, I wish you all a wonderful Sunday and an inspired and exciting start to the next week.

Your Jochen, sincerely