What's going through my head right now #12

THANK YOU – say it, show it, forget it...

We all know how it is. We work hard, help, support, take things off others' hands, get involved, sometimes put our own things aside, and care for others. We don't necessarily do this for recognition or praise (assuming that our help was successful), but simply for the good feeling of having been useful and having helped someone. It's not a helper syndrome or even a saintly appearance.

The biggest problem is finding a healthy balance. Between pursuing your own priorities, the things that are important to you, and the moments in life when your partner, a friend, or someone at work asks for help, you can't put it off, or it's simply urgent. In a relationship in particular, the balance often shifts, and it is not always possible to weigh up who did how much, when, and whether they were able to contribute at all. A 50:50 split is rarely possible, nor can it be easily calculated, because every situation has its own rules, conflicts, or degrees of difficulty. Helping is always relative. What comes easily to one person may require much more effort from another than expected or planned. In addition, there is always a imbalance in every relationship, and it is rare for the scales to be perfectly balanced. In this case, it is beneficial to be aware of the support provided by the other person.

A small thank you, a nod, a gesture that confirms that you have noticed the outstretched hand. There is no need for praise, and even if something has not gone quite according to plan, criticism should remain within reasonable limits.

The art of seeing

Sometimes it's like having an invisible butler—everything runs perfectly, but no one notices the work behind it. The refrigerator fills up as if by magic, appointments seem to organize themselves, and problems vanish into thin air. Until the “butler” is not there and suddenly the inevitable chaos breaks out (at least that's how it's described later... and the guilty conscience gets its supposed breeding ground again).

Saying thank you is an investment in the relationship bank. Every little “thank you” is like a deposit, every matter of course a withdrawal. Because at some point, the account is overdrawn—emotionally bankrupt, so to speak.

The power of habit—a vicious circle

The better someone helps, the more natural it becomes. Like the dance of a perfectly coordinated couple—until one stops dancing and the other stumbles. Only then do you realize: it was never taken for granted, it was just perfectly coordinated.

Nip it in the bud! For those who are always ready to help, this means: don't anticipate every wish. Don't interpret every sign of impatience as an emergency. Don't swallow every criticism just for the sake of keeping the peace. Otherwise, helpfulness becomes a one-way street.

The blind spot of the delegator:

Because those who only ever delegate will eventually lose their sense of what work means (and not just what they themselves know and have to deal with). Suddenly, your own mini-task becomes “extremely stressful,” while the mammoth task of others shrinks into something that is taken for granted. Apples are compared with oranges – usually to the detriment of the person carrying the oranges.

Particularly perfidious: when your own misjudgments are blamed on others. “You were too fast on our stroll through town, or I would have liked something else to eat” – even though you yourself did not communicate your food preferences before the weekend shopping trip, or did not do so in time. A classic example of the “I'm not the problem, you're the problem” game.

Nip it in the bud!

For those who are always ready to help, this means: don't anticipate every wish. Don't interpret every sign of impatience as an emergency. Don't swallow every criticism just for the sake of keeping the peace. Otherwise, helpfulness becomes a one-way street.

The blind spot of the delegator: Because those who only ever delegate will eventually lose their sense of what work means (and not just what they themselves know and have to deal with). Suddenly, your own mini-task becomes “extremely stressful,” while the mammoth task of others shrinks into something that is taken for granted. Apples are compared with oranges – usually to the detriment of the person carrying the oranges.

Particularly perfidious: when your own misjudgments are blamed on others. “You were too fast on our stroll through town, or I would have liked something else to eat” – even though you yourself did not communicate your food preferences before the weekend shopping trip, or did not do so in time. A classic example of the “I'm not the problem, you're the problem” game.

For the recipient:

A “thank you” costs nothing, but it's worth its weight in gold. It turns an expectation into a gift. And self-reflection never hurts – not even with narcissistic tendencies.

The thank-you formula

Genuine gratitude has three ingredients: seeing, understanding, appreciating. Seeing that something has been done. Understanding that it took time and energy. Appreciating that it was not a matter of course.

In the end, it's like breathing—you only realize how important it is when it's gone.

So: say thank you before the air gets thin.

With that in mind: Thank you for reading! 😊

Yours Jochen, cordially